Kennard Diaries

And I can finally sing, "I don't know about you but I'm feeling 22, Everything will be alright if you keep me next to you." Still in a euphoric moment to hit the double two. I felt like I just hit a milestone. I know I'm that shallow. Back in senior year of high school after listening to Taylor Swift's 22, I have made a pact with my sixteen year old self that this would be my jam for my twenty-second birthday. And I have lived that moment over a week ago. So to my sixteen year old self, here we are. The day has finally come.

On the first few hours of my natal day, I spent it replying to some friends who wished me all the love and joy on my special day. Then I dozed off to sleep and woke up past twelve in the afternoon later that day. Being the spiritual person that I am, I offered my prayers and thank the Lord for giving me another 365 days to live and cherish at a nearby church that I usually go to.

At three pm, I started prepping up myself to meet Miko and Neome at around five pm for my birthday dinner. It was an hour ride on the way to SM North-The Block. We did not anticipate the traffic that was coming. Nonetheless, we were still on time. With a time to spare, we roam around and went window shopping.

This year, I decided to have my birthday at Pound by Todd English at Ayala Malls Vertis North because the restaurant has the vibe and ambiance that I am aiming for my Instagram post for my birthday. I am sure you are judging me now. Yes, two days before my birthday I had curated it already on my mind on how each photos are going to look. I am admittedly an Instagram hoe. Luckily, only a few customers were dining so I got the shots I am aiming for. Must be because it's my day haha! On the table were caramelized bacon alfredo which I really love for its right amount of flavor, poutine pizza, T.E. sundaes for dessert plus they also gave me another one as a complementary gift, and to wrap things up, chocolate milkshake for our drinks. Right when we were about to finish our dinner, the staff played and sang me a Happy Birthday song. I got a bit shy at first because I might be interrupting the dinner of the other customers but I got over it and I thought this is my day so carry on!

I just can't let the day pass without a bit of shopping. I missed the smell of new clothes. Lately, all I have been wearing were my thrift finds. Case in point, my leopard printed top. Nothing fancy, I just bought myself a dark beige cardigan which I have been eyeing and contemplating to buy for more than two weeks. If you really want to buy something and you can't stop thinking about it, buy it!

We then decided to cap the night off and end my birthday at our usual Starbucks coffee shop along West Avenue. To Miko and Neome, thank you for being with me on my birthday. And also to the well wishers who took time to greet me whether it be through text or online, thank you. 

With so much love,

Kennard

It is 30 minutes past 12 in the morning and I just turned 22. Few weeks ago, we just entered the new year even welcomed it festively with the sound of fireworks and the excited screams of our  neighbours with hope gleaming in their eyes that a better calendar year is ahead in their lives. 

But how did January went by so fast and in a snap we'll soon turn the pages of our planners to the month of February?

It felt like I did nothing this first month of the year and the only significant episode of this chapter is my birth day. At twenty one, I achieved nothing (says my very over achiever, competitive self). If someone would hand me a book that literally has the story of my life, I would surely with open arms read it and turn the pages to this chapter now. Taking down notes of the lapses I perpetrated so that I can correct them in the present day, trying to change my future even in the littlest detail and see if it can change a thing. Of course, life doesn't work that way.

I can hear the clock ticking on one of the four corners of my little apartment, a reminder that time is running out as you get older. I am never a risk taker. My confidence is always clouded with fear. I can not decide on my own thus resorting to my friend's opinions and judgements on the subject matter at hand. In the end, I always regret the chances I did not take.

So let these shots taken for granted be a constant encouragement for myself to just go for it, and be that person who just went for it. And maybe soon enough, I'll surprise myself that I am  actually capable of the things I once thought I can't do. I guess I am just scared to dive into this adulting spectrum that social media overly romanticize. Maybe it's not that bad after all. Yes, it's okay to feel scared but isn't being scared a hint that you are about to do something brave?

I've read a quote from an online page saying that we all want to live so many lives but we have to choose one and live it forever. Whatever life you wanted to live, whatever path you wanted to take, do it now and make sure that it gives you profound happiness. There is never a right time. The time is now.

I know I'm still a work in progress at twenty-two but I am ready to face and accept all the challenging episodes ahead. I am going to make each chapter worth while so that when I finish writing my own book I can say that I did everything with no regrets. No minor and major editing needed. After all, I am the author of my life.

Happy Birthday self 💗

xx,

Kennard

Another blog post labeled as "filed under long overdue post." 

A week before my 19th birthday, I had my friend shoot me to commemorate my last year of being a teen. Though I am just posting it now I think it's just right to share this one for you my dear readers- if there is- before I enter the adulting stage next month. Yes, time did hyperlapse real quick that I'm turning Twen-teen. 

I must say that this was by far one of the most taxing year I've had in my existence and I know a lot of you can relate to that. This era was a whole lot different compared years back. But no matter how hard your situation as of the moment, always look back on how you've survived certain situations you've never thought you can surpass. And here you are now, another step closer to your goal.

Just keep pushing. Push. Push Until Something Happen. There are certain instances this year that I wanted to give up, almost, that for the first time in forever I called my mother one gloomy day and I told her I can't do it anymore. I cried to her that day over the phone. I almost throw my dreams away in the junk. I did not think of the reason why I have come this far, my goal in the first place.

So if there is one valuable lesson that I grasp this year is to keep pushing for what you want, continue creating and putting your plans into action and turning your actions to work until you achieve your goal. You just have to be strong, focus, be inspired and most of all trust in the Lord. 

Let me end this by quoting a line from Pia Wurtzbach's farewell speech before passing her national titile, " A dream is a picture of possibility and we should have a strong heart and a prepared mind to turned that into a reality."

Photography by: Lara Labitoria

xx

Kennard

Before there was art, there was a blank canvas. There was me. There was silence frolicking in the outskirts of my skin, singing a melancholic melody of sheer lethargy. It was as if death had come alive and possessed my body.

But hebetude was nature's first green, her hardest hue to hold.

Colours started to seep in the crevasses of my being. And from hue to hue, I grew. 19 years, two months and 48 days of dullness dissipated leaving a hard shell of finesse and cutlery.

It was a chrysalis. It was my chrysalis. It happened. And it told me that things do not change. We change.

That is the summer I turned pretty.

xx

Kennard