Kennard Diaries

It is 30 minutes past 12 in the morning and I just turned 22. Few weeks ago, we just entered the new year even welcomed it festively with the sound of fireworks and the excited screams of our  neighbours with hope gleaming in their eyes that a better calendar year is ahead in their lives. 

But how did January went by so fast and in a snap we'll soon turn the pages of our planners to the month of February?

It felt like I did nothing this first month of the year and the only significant episode of this chapter is my birth day. At twenty one, I achieved nothing (says my very over achiever, competitive self). If someone would hand me a book that literally has the story of my life, I would surely with open arms read it and turn the pages to this chapter now. Taking down notes of the lapses I perpetrated so that I can correct them in the present day, trying to change my future even in the littlest detail and see if it can change a thing. Of course, life doesn't work that way.

I can hear the clock ticking on one of the four corners of my little apartment, a reminder that time is running out as you get older. I am never a risk taker. My confidence is always clouded with fear. I can not decide on my own thus resorting to my friend's opinions and judgements on the subject matter at hand. In the end, I always regret the chances I did not take.

So let these shots taken for granted be a constant encouragement for myself to just go for it, and be that person who just went for it. And maybe soon enough, I'll surprise myself that I am  actually capable of the things I once thought I can't do. I guess I am just scared to dive into this adulting spectrum that social media overly romanticize. Maybe it's not that bad after all. Yes, it's okay to feel scared but isn't being scared a hint that you are about to do something brave?

I've read a quote from an online page saying that we all want to live so many lives but we have to choose one and live it forever. Whatever life you wanted to live, whatever path you wanted to take, do it now and make sure that it gives you profound happiness. There is never a right time. The time is now.

I know I'm still a work in progress at twenty-two but I am ready to face and accept all the challenging episodes ahead. I am going to make each chapter worth while so that when I finish writing my own book I can say that I did everything with no regrets. No minor and major editing needed. After all, I am the author of my life.

Happy Birthday self 💗

xx,

Kennard